Prior to being saved the most I cared about when it came to a mate was if she was attractive, liked me and laughed at my jokes. And for the most part that worked pretty well. However, after being saved there is a whole lot more that goes into my decision making process. While the above qualities still matter I now have to consider what someone believes before I can decide if she is someone I should consider dating. The hardest part about being a Christian, for me at least, is being single. I would presume that for most single Christian men they would agree. I know now that just because someone says they are a Christian doesn't mean that they are or that we share a majority of our beliefs in common. Now, when I meet a lady and find out she is a Christian, I must also discover what she means by "Christian." That entails asking some probing questions.
Do she know the full Gospel and understand it?
What's her understanding of the finished work of Christ?
Now, don't get me wrong. I don't sit my dates down in a dark room under a glaring light and give them the third degree. If I did, then it would be easy to see why I am single! But, I only mean to convey what I am trying to discover about this person before both of us invest too much time and feelings into a relationship that won't work out.
"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people." 2 Corinthians 6: 14-16
There are those that will say that as long as we are both Christians than the relationship will work out. They conclude that if we are both believers in Christ than all is well. In general, that is correct. We are both righteous, in the light, in Christ, believers Well, that isn't always the case. The young lady may be a believer. After all, man looks on the outside, but God knows the heart. However, I need to know that our relationship will start off on a solid foundation. Because after the infatuation wears off and reality sets in what do we have to build off of? For example, a few years ago I met a beautiful young lady through one of those online dating sites. She was a Christian, strong in her faith and passionate about the Lord. Great! But, less than a week after meeting her we had a disagreement over the subjects of tithing and the Prosperity Gospel. Okay, fine, disagreements are going to happen. The answer should be for both of us to put aside our pride and biases and turn to scripture to the let the Lord sort it out. But, her response, since I disagreed with her, was to chastise me by saying that I needed to be under the authority of a pastor. In other words, I came to my conclusions because I wasn't subjecting myself to a teacher, namely hers, so I couldn't be correct. I thought the Holy Spirit taught us truth, not another person. But, this conversation was enough for the relationship, brief though it was, to end. Again, I won't say that she was not a Christian, but that alone is not enough to sustain a relationship.
"Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them." Romans 1: 28-32
You may be wondering what a passage about the wickedness of unbelievers has to do with the topic of being equally yoked. It applies to this topic because not everybody who claims to be a Christian has any grounding or support for Christian doctrine. Just the other day, I had a young lady who I used to date, and who would say she is a Christian, ask me who I was supporting in the upcoming Presidential election. When I said I was supporting the Republican ticket she launched into a diatribe about why they were not right for the country. But, what surprised me even more was that she proudly asserted that she was supporting the Democrat ticket. One of her reasons for doing so is that they are "Pro-Choice." I understand in a political realm how there comes times when we won't get everything we want in a candidate. But, for a mother, which she is, and a supposed Christian, to support a ticket and a Party that will not defend the most innocent among us is a huge red flag. Honestly, I would be pro-choice too, if there was actuall a choice given by these proponents. If the opposite of being Pro-Choice is Pro-Life, that means being Pro-Choice is really "Pro-Death" or Pro-Abortion. This underscores my point about getting to know who it is that I date. When a Christian can openly support an obvious unbiblical position like this, I have to ask, "Where else do they compromise scripture?" This is not something I am interested in exploring and is actually a turn off.
Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman, ' for she was taken out of man." For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Genesis 2: 22-24
Perhaps it is my lack of knowledge as to what it means to be equally yoked. But, how does one become united with his wife or become one flesh with her if they don't agree on some foundational issues? Granted, I have only given two examples, but I doubt they are isolated incidents. Perhaps, there are others who can tolerate those who resemble the two ladies I used in my example. But, to me it takes a lot of compromise in order to do so. I am not so naive to believe that I will agree with someone on every issue. But, being equally yoked has to mean more than just saying, "I believe in Jesus." What Jesus someone believes in and what they believe about Jesus is also paramount to becoming equally yoked. It is not my job to convince another individual, especially a perspective mate, to believe like I do. That is the job of the Lord. It also doesn't mean that I have to suppress what I know to be true for the sake of not being single. I would rather meet a newborn Christian who doesn't know much, and grow with her, rather than trying to deprogram her or be deprogrammed by her. I won't say that I understand this whole idea of Christian dating. There are other subjects, regardless of what we believe about the faith, that are issues as well; namely how to avoid pre-marital sex. But, you have to be equally yoked in faith, as well as understanding, before you can progress on to becoming one flesh.
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