Q: We talked about truth in our small group and how we always need to stand for truth. After the service, my non Christian friend asked me about `kind lying`. For example, you tell someone you like their haircut when you really think it`s hideous. Technically it`s lying, so is that a sin? I was unhappy that I couldn't`t answer her question and I want to be ready with the right answer.
A: Yes, lying is a sin. If it were not, then the Bible would not call the Devil the "father of lies (John 8:44)," and one of the Ten Commandments would not have stated, "You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor (Exodus 20:16)." Kind lying. White lies. These are phrases that we use in order to justify not telling the truth about someone or something if we deem it necessary to uphold a higher moral standard. In your example, does it benefit someone to tell them their haircut is "hideous?" That is a decision each individual must way themselves as to what the consequences of their choice may be. There are many reasons that a person will lie. We lie to protect ourselves from embarrassment or shame. We lie in order to protect others from embarrassment or shame. We lie to preserve life. We have lied to take life. We lie to protect our property. We lie in order to take the property of others and so on. It is this inconsistency with lying that has led to the phrase "situational ethics" being used to describe when, and when not to, lie. Jesus predicted the betrayal of the Apostle Peter, which Peter vehemently denied would ever happen. Yet, just as Jesus said, Peter exclaimed, "I don't know the man (Matthew 26:74)!" after Jesus was arrested. A perfect example of lying for self-preservation. Peter was wrong, indeed. But, nobody could blame him for lying because we know he was scared for his life. Peter went away and broke down in tears because of what he did. But, God, in His love, restored Peter later on and he went on to become one of the greatest Apostles that ever lived, to point that he gave his life for the faith.
"Good morning, how are you?" says a coworker. "Hello, I am fine." says the other coworker. Does this little exchange that happens millions of times every morning around the world sound familiar? In many cases we respond to the question with the obligatory "I am fine," regardless of whether it is the truth or not. If we are not fine, the alternative is having to spill our guts to friends and coworkers who were doing nothing more than acknowledging our presence with their question rather than truly inquiring about how we are doing. Also, we say we are fine because we don't want anybody in our business. Regardless, it is still lying. For the most part nobody is harmed by us doing this sort of lying. This example is most likely what is meant by "kind lying." And while it can still be considered sin, the greater good it promotes is something I believe God overlooks. Lying is nothing more than proof of the fallen world we live in and the conditions of our hearts. If at all possible, just like with any sin, we should do whatever is in our power to avoid lying. "But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices (Colossians 3: 8-9)..." After all, what does lying do most of the time, but promote anger, rage, malice, slander and filthy language. These are not behaviors consistent with a believers identity in Christ. Another reminder that we should avoid lying wherever possible.
"So the king of Jericho sent this message to Rahab: "Bring out the men who came to you and entered your house, because they have come to spy out the whole land." But the woman had taken the two men and hidden them. She said, "Yes, the men came to me, but I did not know where they had come from. At dusk, when it was time to close the city gate, the men left. I don't know which way they went. Go after them quickly. You may catch up with them." (But she had taken them up to the roof and hidden them under the stalks of flax she had laid out on the roof.) (Joshua 2: 3-6)" This passage from Joshua is one to ponder. Rahab lied to the king of Jericho in order to protect the Jewish spies from being captured. Because of her lie, God honored Rahab by sparing her life. So, this is a time when a lie was not only justified, the person who lied found favor in the eyes of God. Most of the time we lie, it is not to advance the cause of God as was the case with Rahab. Most of the time it is done out of selfish ambition and for personal gain. Lying is not something we should make a habit out of or encourage others to do. The example of Rahab only serves to point out that there may come a time when lying can be used to preserve a higher moral standard. Another example of "permissible" lying is when it may save a life. A husband may lie to a criminal in order to protect his wife and family from physical harm. This sort of behavior can be perceived as honorable even though it involves lying.
Overall, scripture casts lying as a negative and sinful behavior. However, because we do not live in a perfect world, there will come occasions when lying may be justified in order to preserve a higher moral standard. But one thing we must remember about lying, or any sin, is that Jesus Christ died to take that sin away from the eyes of God for all eternity. "All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them (2 Corinthians 5: 18-19)." Knowing that our sins are not being held against us does not mean that God is encouraging us to engage in sin. It is a reminder of how much we have been set free from in order to create an attitude of dependence on God and the indwelling Holy Spirit. By relying on God to guide us from within, He will not lead us to sin. However, on those occasions when sinning, in this case lying, may be necessary in order to preserve the greater good, we can be certain that God is not holding that against. us. We most certainly need to stand for truth. While we may not always do what is right, in the eyes of God, we must never deny what is right. There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. So, don't be upset with yourself about not being able to give an answer. Rather, use your experience as an opportunity for God to teach you His truth so as to be ready for the next chance you get to be a witness for Christ.
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