I'm so terrified....

The following is a literal confession by someone paralyzed by reading Hebrews 10:26-27.

"I am terrified that this is me. I have wilfully sinned....and sure enough, I have a fearful expectation of judgment and hellfire. I know I was never really saved....I only said the sinner's prayer after being coaxed to by people at my church....and that was before I fully believed anything. They just said that saying it would save me. Anyways....I never fully believed in the bible, I was struggling with all of it...especially when I came to study Calvinism....which made the struggle more difficult. Then I just started spiraling down into sinning again, thinking 'God will change me when he's ready'...and stuff like that. And now I'm reading verses in the bible like that one, which I feel are just completely pointed at me....and I feel sick to my stomach and am fearful of dying at every moment. I've heard people say 'if you're feeling that way then you're not beyond redemption'....but that can't be true...because it says in that verse that those who willfully sin will be consumed with a fearful expectation. They also give the example of Esau seeking repentance carefully with tears....and not finding it. I feel like this is just totally my situation. I wish I had read those verses before I went to sinning again. I wish I had fully understood everything. I've asked God for mercy but I don't think he'll show it. Now I am going to live the rest of my life out in constant terror. I know I'm only seeking repentance out of fear and cause I feel sorry for myself. Just like Esau. Should I just give up? Should I stop seeking? I don't want to go back to sinning. I don't want to die in my sins. Maybe God is just being nice to a reprobate by letting her know that she shouldn't waste any more time. I am so scared though. What should I do?"

Do you or someone you know feel the same way? I wonder how many millions of people, unbelievers and Christians, alike, are in the situation as this individual? I am afraid this confession is all to common. If this is you, here are a couple things you can do that will alleviate the fear you are experiencing.

1. "If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. Anyone who rejected the law of Moses died without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. How much more severely do you think a man deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God under foot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified him, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace?" Hebrews 10: 26-29

Every time you utter a prayer of forgiveness, step into a confession booth, go down your list of short accounts, or whatever sacrifice you invent to take away sins, you are insulting the Spirit of grace by deliberately sinning against the knowledge of truth. That truth is that the death of Jesus Christ for your sins was a once and for all sacrifice that propitiated God for eternity. Jesus is not going to die again on the cross for your sins! I know that may sound harsh, but it is in effect exactly what you are asking Him to do every time you ask God to forgive you of your sins. God won't punish you for doing so and He will remain as faithful as always to you. However, in your mind your relationship will suffer because you will always feel the need to ask Him to forgive your sins before you ever feel comfortable enough to approach Him. And how do you approach God when you feel that your sins are separating you from Him? Asking God to do what He has already done is not an act of faith. Everything that does not come from faith is sin. Our bloodless sacrifices do not meet God's requirement of shed blood as necessary for sin. They only serve to tell God that we don't believe Jesus took away all our sins at the cross. Until you believe your sins have been forgiven you will struggle to experience the love of God, never feel accepted by Him and will stay immature in your faith. You may have a knowledge of scriptures, but still not know your God. Be reconciled to God.

2. An unbeliever has a bigger problem than the need to have their sins forgiven. An unbeliever is spiritually dead and in need of life. What is needed is a clear presentation of the Gospel to see whether or not you understand exactly what your condition is and God's provision for it. The good news of Jesus the Messiah, the gospel of Jesus Christ, is that Jesus died for the sins of humanity, the unbelief in God that everyone had that was expressed in their attitudes and actions; and as a result of the forgiveness that would be executed, He would make His Spirit available again, offered as a free gift to anyone who would receive it, such that the life of God that we had lost through Adam could be restored to us again. Jesus died once and for all, taking away the sins of the world, so the sin issue would never again be an issue between man and God. And the Spirit of God is offered as a free gift. This is the life of God that was breathed into humanity at the time of creation, and there will never again be any sin that will cause this life to leave again, because Jesus died for all sin, the just for the unjust so that we could be reconciled to God. Therefore the life we have presented to us is an eternal life, an everlasting life, something that we can experience now and today, and will carry us into eternity even after our bodies physically die.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. "For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved." John 3:16-17

"But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life." Romans 5:8-10

We are not saved by the death of Christ, as salvation is so popularly presented. Jesus died for the sins of the world. Everyone has forgiveness available them, but we are not saved because of forgiveness, forgiveness is what made salvation possible. We are saved by the life of Christ, the very life of God, being given as a free gift to whoever would be willing to receive it. And in His life we receive forgiveness of sins as an inheritance. The death of Christ reconciled us to God, but it is His life that saves us from our condition of spiritual death.

The forgiveness of sins and the life of God indwelling you for eternity is far from something that should terrify you.