Fully Convinced In His Own Mind

Q: Could you address the rigid compulsion some have to `praying a blessing` over every meal, especially when in a group? I've found no biblical warrant for that. Now, I don`t want to be rigid in that, either. But my concern is that if people don`t do it before every meal on their own (even if alone), then isn't doing it out loud merely Pharisaical? And further, since people tend to repeat stilted phrases anyway when doing it, is it really edifying and God honoring? Of course, some are just fearful to pray in public and often this is one situation (whether at a lunch with fellow Christians or when having them at their home) that they may be put on the spot. And not everyone has a family meal at which this is regularly practiced (literally and figuratively). Naturally this bends into a different question which you may want to address: how can one overcome their fear of praying in public? The above is indeed a subset, but I see them as different.

A: With all the religious traditions that permeate Christianity there could be many reasons as to why some people feel the compulsion to "pray a blessing," or say grace, over every meal. Some may do it out of habit. Some may do it because of pressure being put on them by others. While there are also those that do so out of a sincere desire for God to bless their meals. Whatever the motivation, it is not something to condemn others for doing. Nor should you allow yourself to be condemned by others should you refrain from "praying a blessing" over a meal. As Christians, we are free to decide what course of action to take on our own. As the Apostle Paul says, "Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. He who regards one day as special, does so to the Lord. He who eats meat, eats to the Lord, for he gives thanks to God; and he who abstains, does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God (Romans 14:5-6)." In other words, praying over your meal is strictly up to you to decide. It is not something that others should decide for you. As one teacher jokingly said, "I will show God how thankful I am for this meal by eating it."

With that being said, there is biblical precedent for praying a blessing over a meal. Just before Jesus fed 5,000 people the Bible records Him "Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves (Matthew 14:19)." Jesus gave thanks for His food on many other occasions (Matthew 15:36; 26:26; Mark 14:22). Now, does this mean we are commanded to do this every time we eat? Of course not. We are not under any law or obligation to perform a certain way, whether alone or in a group. But, when you think about it, is there really anything wrong with thanking God for a meal? No. Besides, we are told to have a mindset of "always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ (Ephesians 5:20)." The problem as you have identified comes when we take something as lovely as thanking God for our meals and turning it into a requirement that must be done, especially in a group setting.

If you are ever asked to pray for a group there is the human tendency to feel that you have to pray in such a manner as to come across as though you are super spiritual. Not to mention the feeling that you are not allowed to decline the request without being looked down upon. Many of us have issues with public speaking, much less public praying. The last thing we want to do is come across as though we are not Christian because of our ability, or lack thereof, to pray in a manner deemed acceptable by those surrounding us. While Jesus gave thanks to God before breaking bread He also had something to say to those who like a public audience when they pray. "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men (Matthew 6:5)." I wager that many who like to be "seen by men," when they pray in public, do not desire the same attention towards their private lives. There is a great chance that their public persona does not equal who they are in private.

No one knows the heart, or motivation, of someone who advances the idea that praying over meals and praying in public is an expectation of the Christian life. Thus, we must be careful not to judge their motivation for doing so. Most likely they are weak in their faith and do not know any better. Keep in mind that fear is a great motivator and may play a role in the actions of those you speak of. We all have a tendency to treat others in the manner in which we believe God is treating us. If we are afraid of being punished by God for our actions then we will demand others imitate our behaviors or we will punish them for their failures. Scripture reminds us that "there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)." Therefore, we should pay no attention to those who burden us with the responsibility of public prayer or praying a blessing over a meal. It is simply a reflection of what they have put faith in and, in turn, they feel obligated to get you to share their beliefs.

I don't know if overcoming the fear of praying in public is a noble goal to try and achieve. If you don't want to pray in public then don't do it. It is not a reflection of your level of maturity or your love of God. It is a matter of personal preference. Scripture doesn't encourage the idea of praying in public. In fact, it encourages the exact opposite. "But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen (Matthew 6:6)." Jesus instructed us to pray to God in private. I believe He said this because it is in private that we feel comfortable enough to open up to God and truly reveal to Him what is on our hearts. That rarely is the case in times of public praying because we are praying to receive the approval of men. If you want to pray in public you are free to do so. Regardless of when and where you pray or what you are praying about, examine the motivation of your heart. If your prayers are motivated out of fear or to gain public approval it is not something that God put on your heart to do. Maybe it is something you should pray about and allow God to reveal to you the information that will convince you of what you should do.