Fathers and Sons

Q: What does the bible say about sons duties toward their fathers? Both sons who are children, and adult sons?

A: The Bible talks extensively about the relationships between fathers and sons. The ultimate relationship, of course, was between Jesus Christ and God, the Father. As it pertains to a sons "duties toward their fathers" we can look at a couple of scriptures. Proverbs 1:8 states, "Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching." All a little boy wants to be is a "big boy." In other words, he wants to be like his father. He wants to make his father proud. That is why you always see little boys imitating their father's every move. All they want is to be accepted by and loved by their father. They want their father to be proud of them. I am fast approaching middle age myself and my father is a senior citizen. Yet, I still look to him for guidance as well as to make him proud by the decisions I make in life. Conversely, we see many men who grow up in homes without fathers or fathers who are anything, but loving and respectful. Often times these men are dysfunctional and menaces to society. They don't know how raise children, treat a woman or be the head of a household. You can't live out what you haven't been taught or seen in your own life. That is why the instruction of a father is so important.

Proverbs 13:1 reads, "A wise son heeds his father's instruction, but a mocker does not listen to rebuke." Being wise is characterized by having knowledge or information as to facts, circumstances, etc. To rebuke means a sharp, stern disapproval; reproof or reprimand. Although unfortunate, it is human nature, especially for a boy craving to be a man, to rebuke the instruction of his father. There is the attitude that permeates the mind of a young man that tells him, "I already know everything there is to know." This leads them to mistakenly believing that the instruction of their father is coming from an out of touch, old man who is stuck in the past. But, the Bible says "What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9)." In other words, a father has been through and experienced what his son is dealing with and only wants to help him make the proper decisions. While the circumstances and times may change the wisdom from someone experienced in the trials of life is not something to take lightly. There were many times as a young man that my father was trying to tell me something only to met with a "Yeah, I know" attitude. But, later after experiencing something my father tried to instruct me on did I realize that he was correct and only had my best interest in mind.

Recently, a friend of mine asked me if I had any advice for their 21 year old son regarding his inability to receive counsel (i.e. instruction). This was in regards to a conversation about Proverbs 12:15. "The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice." I could only imagine they were trying to infer that their son was more of a young man who only does what "seems right to him." My only advice was that at his age the best teacher will be experience because he is set in his ways for the most part. And isn't that what listening to a father's "instruction" is all about? A father instructs his son based on his own personal experiences. It is a father's way of passing along the wisdom he gained from his own experiences in order to help guide his son through his own experiences. Often times we forget as children and young men, in particular, that our fathers were once like us. The average father only wants what is best for their son. But, even the best father knows that instruction and experience go hand in hand. Experience is the physical representation of verbal instruction. When a son experiences something first hand the instruction of the father is all, but unnecessary from that point on. The father's point has been made for him.

When it comes to the Christian life, we need to look no further than Jesus Christ as His relationship with God, the Father. "I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does (John 5:19)." Besides making a claim to His deity, Jesus is also saying that He listens to the instruction of His Father. As Christians, through the leading of the indwelling Holy Spirit, the Father instructs us on what He wants us to do in our lives for His glory. After all, we are children of God and our intimate relationship with Him affords us the ability to call Him "Abba, Father (Galatians 4:6)." As His son, I can go to my Father in heaven and look to Him for instruction and guidance in my life. It is not all that different when it comes to my earthly father. Jesus said, "I am not possessed by a demon ... but I honor my Father and you dishonor me (John 8:49)." Jesus honored His Father by how He lived. Sons honor their fathers by how they live as well. And it is usually a byproduct of the instruction they received from him while growing up. A son realizes that his father's instruction came from a heart of love and was made with the son's best interests in mind. In turn, they return the love they have received from their fathers by living a life which brings honor to them. Be blessed.