Abandoning his Mother

Q: I have been ridiculed by some for leaving my 84 year old mother (I have never married), to serve the Lord 3000 miles away. The Lord placed the call upon my heart to enter the ministry over 20 yrs ago and I turned a deaf ear. In refusing to answer the call to enter the ministry, I fell ill and now am unable to function in the working world. I have since become an ordained minister and the Lord placed a call upon my heart to move some 3000 miles from my home to take the position as pastor/counselor in a Christian based organization. How should I respond to those who say that I abandoned my mother and could have served the Lord in her home. I accepted this position only after much prayer and consideration for my mother, and I felt perfect peace in taking this position. How does one explain this decision in a Christ like way to those unbelievers who condemn my decision to accept this position?

A: Thank you for your question. You do not need to explain yourself to other people. You are a grown man who can make those decisions for yourself. Similar to you, I stay with and take care of an elderly parent and have never been married. If and when the time comes where I feel I need to move on I will make arrangements to provide the proper care for my parent. Without knowing more details about your circumstances, I am assuming you made similar arrangements for your mother prior to leaving. Otherwise, this may explain why so many people are upset with your decision? Did you simply leave your mother without making arrangements for her care? Are the people upset with you family members who can assist you with your mother's care? If so, then maybe it is time they do so unless they are just reacting selfishly to the fact that you were bearing that burden for some time and now they have to step up to the plate. While it is biblical to "honor" your mother (Exodus 20:12), she should have saved up in order to help provide for herself in her old age. "After all, children should not have to save up for their parents, but parents for their children (2 Corinthians 12:14)."

You said that your "refusal" to enter the ministry 20 years ago resulted in you becoming ill. I hope you are not under the impression that God struck you with an illness for failing to respond to His "calling"? The Bible clearly states that "there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)." If God made you sick than this verse is a lie and we cannot believe anything in the Bible. You got ill because we live in a fallen world where sickness happens to come upon people not because of some punishment of God. Jesus took the penalty for you sins at the cross. "For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ (1 Thessalonians 5:9)." Another point I want to make is that the only "calling" of God is to Himself. God doesn't call us to the ministry. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28)." Now, God may send you into a certain area, but not before He has called you to Himself for salvation. Also, all Christians are in the ministry not just those who choose to make a living at spreading the Gospel as a pastor or counselor. "He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life (2 Corinthians 3:6)." These truths are critical for you to understand if you are going to be acting as a pastor or counselor.

Ultimately, what it appears you are struggling with the most is the area of forgiveness. The way you deal with those who are weighing you down with their criticism is to forgive them. However, you cannot forgive them in the way in which God has forgiven you if you are believing that He strikes His children with illnesses and other ailments. "God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them (2 Corinthians 5:19)." God is not counting your sins against you because of what Jesus Christ accomplished with His death on the cross. If God is not counting your sins against you, what sin or sins is He going to now count against you in order to make you sick? The only answer is that He is not. Furthermore, if God is not counting your sins against you, is it an act of love to count the sins others are perpetrating on you against them? Again, no it does not make any sense. Part of the Christian life is to face persecution. Some of it brought about by our own doing. But, much of it comes simply because we are proclaiming Jesus Christ. And it was Jesus who said, "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first (John 15:18)."

You mentioned giving much prayer and consideration prior to taking this position and that you have perfect peace. If that is true, answering your critics should not be a big concern. You did not speak about it, but I assume your mother was fine with you leaving her? If so, then that is one major piece of evidence solidifying the decision you made. Ultimately, what it all boils down to is that you believe you are following the leading of the Holy Spirit. Jesus said, "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple (Luke 14:26)." Jesus was not saying to literally hate these people. He was saying that you should love Him more than you love your parents, siblings, wife and kids to the point where it may look like you hate them. It would seem that you have responded to His love for you by allowing Him to guide you in your life. For that you should never feel guilty or ashamed. Now, it is time to share His love for you with those who are not in agreement with your decision to leave your mother by forgiving them. The Christian life is about trusting God. This is a time to trust Him to work in the hearts and minds of those condemning you. And allow Him to use you to do so by making yourself available to Him in the process.