No Longer a Maiden

Q: Does the bible address the subject of a woman retaining the last name of her husband? I have a friend who is getting married & his fiancee wants to keep her maiden name & told him after they have children she may then want to change her last name to his. Does the bible say that a woman must take the last name of her fiance upon marriage?

A: Thank you for your question. No, the Bible does not address the subject of a woman taking the name of her husband when they get married. The primary reason is probably because most people did not have last names during biblical times. The origin of last names has primarily been a cultural development over the subsequent centuries. With that being said, I believe the situation you describe with your friend shows that his fiance is not willing to submit to him as the Bible directs wives to do. "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything (Ephesians 5:22-24)." The Bible is clear about wives submitting to their husbands in "everything." Now, while one could debate whether taking the husband's last name falls under the definition of submission, it looks to be an act of defiance towards the marriage relationship by this woman. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh (Genesis 2:24)." I do not see how a husband and wife can "become one flesh," with two separate last names. By desiring to keep her maiden name, or set conditions for changing her name, this woman is indicating, in my opinion, her lack of commitment to the marriage.

Someone should ask this woman how she would feel if her husband-to-be desired to keep in contact with ex-girlfriends of his. After all, if you have a married couple with two last names, that gives the impression that both people are single. Therefore, why should he abandon the attributes of his singleness if she is unwilling to do the same? They cannot be introduced as Mister and Misses because they have different last names. Furthermore, the definition of maiden is an "unmarried woman." Therefore, by keeping her maiden name, she is actually stating that she is unmarried. Also, it is most likely that this woman's maiden name is the last name of her father. Assuming her parents were married, her mother probably took her husband's last name and passed it on to her. Therefore, it seems baffling why she would suggest changing her name if they had kids, but not take his name when getting married. I even know of a couple planning on getting married where the husband-to-be has already changed his name to the last name of his fiance. Again, this is just another example of defiance towards God's order of things. Since I talked about the definition of maiden, I think it is interesting to note the origins of the word woman.

"The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’for she was taken out of man (Genesis 2:23)."” From a biblical standpoint, the word woman literally means to be "taken from man," or "from man." Therefore, when the Bible talks about a man and woman becoming one in marriage, it is symbolic of the man and woman being "reunited" in "one flesh" like they were at the beginning. A woman taking her husband's last name is another symbolic gesture of them becoming a single unit. Since the woman was taken from the man, the man has preeminence over the woman. "Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God (1 Corinthians 11:3)." Now, this idea of submission and preeminence should not be taken to mean that a woman is to be a dominated by her husband and not treated as an equal partner in the marriage. In fact, it is the exact opposite. "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers (1 Peter 3:7)." Women are to be treated with respect and honor because neither the man or the woman is to be elevated over the other.

"In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God (1 Corinthians 11:11-12)." In this discussion about a wife taking the the name of her husband, we should never forget Whose name we have taken. Everything comes from God. As believers in Jesus Christ, we have taken His name and call ourselves Christians. Furthermore, it is implied in the Bible that the Church is the bride of Christ. "Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has made herself ready (Revelation 19:7)." Notice how the Church is referred to as "His wife." We take His name because we are His "bride," and then we submit to His love and leadership in our lives. That is what a wife is doing when she gets married. She submits to her husband, who has submitted to Jesus Christ. And one of the ways to identify that truth is by taking her husband's last name. If Christians are "new creations" in Christ, so it is with a woman. She is no longer a single woman who is holding on to her maiden name. She is a "new creation," in that she has now become the wife of her husband. Taking his name is evidence that she is now a wife. I pray this shed some light on your question.