"Being" a Good Man or Woman

Usually, the last person we make a critical statement about is ourselves. This is especially noticeable when the subject of relationships arises. For men you can find them gathered at the bar detailing the "mysteries" of women and how "they" just don't get "us" and if "they" did everything would be okay. Women can be found in various places saying things like, "All men are dogs, but some make better pets than others," as they all giggle and reaffirm each other. Regardless, neither gender, more specifically individual man or woman, feel they need to change anything about themselves. Yet, occasionally, you will find those who finally realize that they may play a part in the problems they face in their relationships. While that is a step in the right direction, there is something deeper that must be addressed. A former Roman Emperor, Marcus Aurelius, is quoted as saying, "Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one." It is this quote that got me to thinking. On the surface it does point out how men, in this case, should take accountability and be the "good man" they either think they are or women seemingly seek to find. The same could be said of women. Regardless, nobody can come close to being that "good" man or woman simply by declaring their dedication to being one.

The Apostle John wrote, "We love Him because He first loved us (1 John 4:19)." At the heart of this debate about being "good" men and women is the false belief that the opposite sex has been placed here to serve the needs of one another. Men and women alike both have the idea that their partner is to meet their every need. Thus, when they don't, because they cannot and never could, relationships crumble. Things like divorce, infidelity and all manner of sin can creep in. Yet, the deepest desires of our heart for unconditional love and total acceptance were put there by God. He did this because He is the only one who can meet those desires in Himself through the indwelling Holy Spirit. It is only when a person comes to faith in Jesus Christ and begins to understand who they are in Christ that they begin to receive God's unconditional love and total acceptance. Once this begins to happen the individual will not look to their partner to fill a need they never could meet in the first place. Then, the individual man or woman can begin to serve their partner in love with the love that they are receiving from God. They will start to bear the "fruit of the Spirit" and their partner will be the benefactor of that love which God is producing through them. By default, they will become a "good" man or woman because the only good they have to offer is coming from the Lord loving them like He created them to be loved.