Burning with Passion

Q: What was Jesus” view toward concubinage? Also, I'm trying to understand if there are any acceptable circumstances under the new covenant for an unmarried man to have sex with an unmarried woman. To be clearer, where was this act prohibited in the New Testament (or the old)?

A: Sex out of wedlock (premarital sex) is a difficult subject. Personally, I struggle myself at times trying to navigate the relationship waters without getting wet, if you know what I mean. So, I don't presume to have the answer that is going to end the struggle for you, me or men, in general. However, the success I have enjoyed is tied to one thing; growing in the love of Jesus Christ for me. I have to ask myself, "Is it a loving thing to sleep with a woman who is not my wife?" I have to say "No, it is not."

Jesus dealt with the question of concubinage by talking about marriage; the proper relationship between a man and woman. In Matthew 19:4-6, Jesus said, "And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” To me, this is a clear indication that when a man leaves his parents, becomes an adult, it is to marry his wife. There is no discussion of any other type of sexual relationship between a man and woman. Therefore, concubinage, and any other type of sexual relationship, would fall into the category of a sinful relationship.

The only acceptable circumstances for a man and woman to have sex is if they are married. The Apostle Paul in some ways addressed your question. In 1 Corinthians 7:8-9, Paul says, "But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." If you are burning with passion, having sex or at the very least wanting to have sex, then the answer is to get married. Now, I believe people are going to do what they want to do, regardless of whether they can find a Biblical text to justify it or not. The issue isn't so much is something right or wrong, but why does someone want to behave in such a way? Why would a man want to continue to have sex with a woman he is not going to marry? And vice versa? It only leads to all kinds of terrible consequences. Now, people are free to act that way and God isn't going to send a lightning bolt into the bedroom because He has taken away the penalty for our sins. But, I do not believe it is behavior consistent with being a Christian.

A few of the more notable passages from scripture for me regarding sex out of wedlock. among other things, are as follows: 1 Corinthians 5:9, 1 Corinthians 6:13, 2 Samuel 11 (David and Bathsheba), 1 Peter 4:2-3, Jude 1:4, Colossians 3:5, 1 Thessalonians 4:3, Romans 13:13, 1 Corinthians 10:8, 1 Corinthians 5:1-11 and Galatians 5:19.

Of course, this isn't an all-inclusive list, but hopefully, it helps.