Black Widow Christianity

"If you have died with Christ to the world’s way of doing things, why do you let others tell you how to live? It’s as though you were still under the world’s influence. People will tell you, “Don’t handle this! Don’t taste or touch that!” All of these things deal with objects that are only used up anyway.  These things look like wisdom with their self-imposed worship, false humility, and harsh treatment of the body. But they have no value for holding back the constant desires of your corrupt nature." Colossians 2:20-23

A Black Widow, similar to the spider of the same name, is a term given to wives who murder their husbands. Most often these women will commit their crimes by poisoning the food of their victims. For example, one woman attempted to kill her husband "by placing [antifreeze] in multiple beverages to be consumed by her husband." Another lady tried carrying out her evil deed "by putting eye drops into [her husband's] water for several days." A third woman attempted to kill her husband when she "proceeded to poison her husband’s glass of milk." While it is obvious, but may go unnoticed, the means by which these women carried out their plan was through deception. They would mask the poison they were using by placing it inside an otherwise harmless food item. The antifreeze was mixed into "several beverages." The eye drops were put into water. And the last lady put the poison into her husband's milk. The men were unaware of the damage that was being done to them. Within the church, there is a form of deception not unlike what these men experienced that is slowly killing the faith of many Christians. I stumbled across an article titled, "Are Narcissists Ruining the Church?" The article defines a narcissist as having "excessive interest in oneself." The narcissist will "tend to also have a lack of empathy for others simply because their focus is on themselves." Narcissism is said to be a "mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration." This so-called mental disorder will lead the narcissist to things like being so busy and consumed with one's own agenda that they will be left with questions like, "What if my husband had needed to speak to me in the morning and all that I had time for was a very quick goodbye? What if I cross paths with a polite stranger that needs my help in some way and I don’t even see them? How can I help anyone else if I’m so busy with my tasks and duties?" Thus, they come to the conclusion that, "Simply thinking too much about myself and my plans is enough to ruin the church." While this article may be true in that there could be narcissistic and self-centered people who are so consumed with themselves that they have forgotten to focus on the needs and wants of others, I don't believe it is narcissism in the church that leads to people having an "excessive interest in oneself." It is legalism, masked in grace, that is doing this.

In Colossians 2, the Apostle Paul takes time to list out a few behaviors that are evidence of someone who is influenced by legalism (my conclusion). The behavior that sticks out the most to me is "harsh treatment of the body." This harsh treatment of the body can take many forms. It could be the extreme version practiced by Martin Luther who, according to one source, "plunged into prayer, fasting, and ascetic practices—going without sleep, enduring bone-chilling cold without a blanket, and flagellating himself. As he later commented, "If anyone could have earned heaven by the life of a monk, it was I."" But, the most common form it takes is simply by people being so focused on their behavior that they rob themselves of the joy of their salvation. Nearly every Christian is taught and believes how much God loves them, how they are forgiven of their sins and how nothing will separate them from God. God, in essence, is that spouse who loves them unconditionally. Yet, this stated belief is masking the poison that is truly being taught to them and that they are believing; that the grace of God is contingent on their behavior, their works, their ability to live a certain way, etc. They believe that the goal of the Christian life is to stop sinning and involve themselves in so much Christian activity there is little time for much else in their lives. These people are not narcissists, but they do display many of the traits of a narcissist. They tend to lack empathy for others because of their focus on themselves. How can you understand and share the feelings of another when all you are consumed with is your own circumstances and how you feel about them? Do you have time for your spouse or the polite stranger when it is always about you? And even if you take time out for these people, is it done out of sincere love for these people or out of your duty to God or your church and what you can get for behaving that way? You cannot help anybody else because you are so busy with your religious tasks and duties. You become cold, judgemental, unloving, bitter and critical. Why? Because you will end up treating others the way you believe God is treating you. You may say you love God and God loves you, but deep down you don't believe it because you aren't living up to the expectations no matter how hard you try. You will discover, as the Apostle Paul said, nothing is "holding back the constant desires of your corrupt nature." The more you try the worse it gets. That is the end result of letting others tell you how to live. If this describes you, it is time to stop, rest and remember it is Jesus Christ who lived the life you could not so that raised from the dead, He could live His life in and through you. Get your eyes off of yourself and on to Jesus Christ. You are married to the Lord, not to a pastor, teacher, organization or body of believers. Quit taking the poison from someone who claims to love you, but is killing your spirit and rest in the One who truly loves you and whose Spirit lives in you.  "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me (Galatians 2:20)." Amen!