The Color of Love

I was browsing through the magazine section at the grocery store when I noticed the cover of the December 2008 issue of Essence Magazine. It had actor Will Smith hugging his wife, and actress, Jada Pinkett-Smith, from behind. The story accompanying the photo was about their marriage and the love they have for each other. I didn't read the story, but was intrigued by the title of it. It read something to the effect, "Black Love: You have to create the relationship you want." I have no problem with creating the relationship you want. Any relationship worth having takes some effort on the part of those involved in it. However, what in the world is "Black Love"? Do blacks love each other differently than others? I wonder if Caucasians have "White Love." Hispanics, obviously, must have "Brown Love." And I assume that Asians and Native Americans have "Yellow Love" and "Red Love," respectively. It is kind of silly when you think about it. And then what is it called if you have an "interracial" marriage? If a Native American (Red) and Asian (Yellow) get together, is it called "Orange Love"? Personally, there is only love. It is not specific to any particular culture or ethnic group. But, that begs the question, "What is love?"

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

We have all heard the classic songs, "What the world needs now is love (sweet love)" and "All You Need is Love." When I read the lyrics to these songs, and songs like them, love is never really defined. There is an assumption about love that is made that I don't think is truly loving. Love is always defined as tolerance. Now, tolerance is an aspect of love. After all, the biblical definition of love, above, talks about being patient and not easily angered. Both can describe an aspect of tolerance. However, love has become a code word used to justify and allow any behavior under the sun. Or, as I like to say, love means tolerance of sin. But, when it comes to relationships, the Bible's definition of love crosses all boundaries, but does not tolerate sin. You don't need to have "Black Love" or any other kind of love. There is just love. How it plays out in each of our lives may be different. Regardless of the relationship between two people, they all have different pros and cons that need to be addressed. Let us take a look at some aspects of love.

Patience

When you are in a marriage, there is always the need for patience. Whether it be with each other , the children or in-laws, there comes a time to set aside personal preferences and desires in order to preserve peace and unity. That is not something specific to any particular relationship, it is needed in every relationship. As a Christian, we must realize the patience God showed towards us, and still shows on a daily basis. Our sins, our lack of maturity, our lack of faith, our acceptance and promotion of bad doctrine, our tolerance of error, and so on, all require enormous amounts of patience. It is only by tapping into the source of patience, the indwelling Holy Spirit, that we can begin to be patient with our spouses, or anybody in our lives with which we have a relationship.

Rude

One of the hardest things about letting someone get close to you is that they know how to "push your buttons." If ever a disagreement arises, there is always the opportunity to say some hurtful things to the other. Normally, it is done in self-defense or to hurt someone as much as we believe we have been hurt by them. If you have ever been in relationship that ended; i.e. divorce, you realize that you rarely, if ever, can be cordial to your ex. Why? Because they know who we are at the deepest level. And when the bond formed is torn apart, those secrets about, and intimate knowledge of, one another is often used to hurt the other. We can say some of the meanest things to each other during these times. Imagine if God was rude to us? He created us and knows our heart. Do you not think He could devastate us if He wanted to do so? But, because of His great love for us, He does none of it. In fact, He no longer remembers any of our wrongs. It doesn't mean we didn't do wrong, but that we are not held accountable for them.

Keeps No Records of Wrongs

Right in line with not being rude towards each other is not keeping a record of each others wrongs. When you are married, and spend nearly every moment together, there, no doubt, will come a time when you sin against each other in some way. Often times we can be pretty good at forgiving, or even ignoring, the sin of our spouse when it happens. But, there will come a time when we get upset with each other that, in order to gain the upper hand, we dig up the past to use as a weapon. Nothing can injure a relationship more than to have to defend months and years of stored up sins that have little, to nothing, to do with the present disagreement. However, in order to maintain harmony and the marriage bond in a relationship, we can't keep records of wrongs in order to use them at a later date. Think about all the sins you have committed your entire life, whether in thought, speech or deed. You can't number them all. And God put them behind His back, through the death of Jesus Christ, for all eternity. The least we can do is pass along to our spouses that which God has done for us.

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us." 1 John 4:7-12

It is interesting that Scripture says that "everyone who loves is born of God." We know that the only ones born of God are Christians. That means that if you are not in Christ, you don't know the true meaning of love. Now, I know this flies in the face of conventional wisdom because people from all walks of life, both secular and religious, may demonstrate certain aspects of this truth. But, normally it manifests itself in a way that condones, and even promotes, unloving and sinful behavior. Or it is only directed towards those we want in our lives. Loving others as God has loved us does not mean you tolerate sinful behavior. It means that, in spite of that behavior, you continue to love those closest to us and even those who are not. When somebody is impatient towards us, is rude to us and wrongs us, it doesn't mean we agree with what they did. Many times we say things like, "that's okay" when we are sinned against. Well, no, being sinned against is not okay. Rather, in Christ, we release you from having to make amends for something that you probably can't pay back. In turn that allows both individuals to heal and, perhaps, grow closer to each other. This is definitely something that is needed inside a marriage relationship and does not need to be redefined to fit into any racial or cultural categories. God defines love, and just like His offer of salvation, one size fits all. The color of love does not reflect any skin tone, but is colored in the precious blood of Jesus Christ! Without a foundation built on faith in Christ, you will not be able to, truly, create a relationship built on love.